First, Do No Harm

Most of us find it challenging to give and to receive criticism. We often hold back our honest suggestions, either because we don’t want to hurt others’ feelings or because we don’t think anyone will listen. We may wrestle with the question of how blunt we should be. 

Starting with the responsorial psalm: “If today you hear God’s voice, harden not your hearts,” today’s readings remind us of the importance not of being blunt, but of being attentive and helpful.  Hardening our hearts is not just ignoring or turning away from God, it is also ignoring or turning away from the integrity and spiritual health of those within our communities and families.

Today's Gospel reminds us that wherever two or three are gathered in Jesus’ name, there he is. It suggests that for us to imitate Christ with our lives, there may be times when we have to correct another’s behavior. Sometimes we may need to share feedback that is difficult both to give and to receive.  

The reality is, we all depend upon others in order to gain self-knowledge. To paraphrase St. Thomas Aquinas, we don’t come to understand ourselves as isolated selves, but always as “agents interacting with our environment.” Our self-knowledge depends on others and on our experiences. 

This is in no way meant to imply that it is always necessary to say everything that’s on our mind. Going and telling another their fault isn’t about being critical or righteous. A closer reading of Jesus’ words reminds us that we can be truthful while also respecting the dignity and feelings of others. The goal of confronting a brother who has sinned against us is not to show our righteousness, but restoration. It’s not about calling people out, but about healing and renewal. One of the promises within the Hippocratic Oath that doctors take is "first, do no harm." That’s a good rule for all of us, especially if we’re in a situation where we may have to confront someone about their behavior. 

One of the challenges with today’s Gospel is understanding Jesus’ tone.  We’re apt to read into it a confrontation and perhaps an angry exchange. That is not what Jesus is advocating for. Notice how Jesus starts at an individual level (“go and tell him his fault between you and him alone”), and if that fails “take one or two others along with you.”  Only if that, too, fails are we to take it to the larger church. Then if that doesn’t work, we are to treat them as we would a Gentile or a tax collector. But this doesn’t mean that we are to cast them out: think, for example, of how Jesus treated Gentiles and tax collectors – moving them toward repentance and grace. 

Just a few chapters before today’s Gospel we see Jesus eating with “tax collectors and sinners” (Mt 9:10-13). Jesus responded to the Pharisees who challenged him about this by saying, “‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners.”

After all, the patron saint of our church, St. Matthew, was a tax collector. And as the second reading reminds us, we “owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another.” Blessed Conchita echoed this when she wrote that “Love is the soul of every life of prayer and of every good work.” Let us all be rich in such love and good work.

--Jim Healy

Send Us Forth are reflections written by St. Matthew parishioners and friends.